All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
