I'm going to jail i love you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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