My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
