Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
