the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
