You just made me feel so damn special
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
