Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
