Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
