he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize