Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
