My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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