she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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