if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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