You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
