i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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