I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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