this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
