My room smells like vodka and shame
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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