the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
