So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
