Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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