Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have aggressive nipples.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
