Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
