you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize