im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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