She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
