i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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