I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
