GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
