There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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