Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
