She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize