i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
