and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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