I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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