just tell him i said nine months
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
