We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My bed smells like the plague
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