Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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