is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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