I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
