I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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