it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
