I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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