dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
