i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
