dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you made out with another girl for some wings
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
