I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
