I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
