Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
