If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
