batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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