This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
