I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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