Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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