my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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