Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
