I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
