You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
