Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
