I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize