Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
