so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
