she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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