Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
