I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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