Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
