Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
