did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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