well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
