it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
