what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
