you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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