well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
