i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize