I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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