Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
two words: eviction party
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
