I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
