I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Me too!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
