if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
