the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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