She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize