I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
