Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont even know how to be here
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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