god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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