i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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