Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
