Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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