I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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