Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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