we have officially lost it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
