I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
